Some years ago, Steve Braunias, an (best selling!) author, columnist, journalist and editor called me “Princess of Chaos” in a Metro interview. I have since claimed that name and have been using it on my Twitter profile.
I don’t know what “inspired” him with this name but one that I absolutely love. In the last month or so I have been doing a course on world religion and have been fascinated by the similarities amongst the different religion.
Ordo Ab Chao
Without that chaos, I couldn’t create the “dancing star” that Friedrich Nietzsche mentioned. Without this “chaos” I may not be able to see past what happened with me all my life; my last 28 years of life. If that didn’t happen, the feathers weren’t ruffled, this could have been a nightmare for not just me but the others involved.
On that day, it happened, I felt alone. Using the words of Monica Lewinsky in her recent interview in Vanity Fair:
But by and large I had been alone. So. Very. Alone. Publicly Alone—abandoned most of all by the key figure in the crisis, who actually knew me well and intimately. That I had made mistakes, on that we can all agree. But swimming in that sea of Aloneness was terrifying.
I was. I have friends whom I have known for years who didn’t want to hear what I have to say but abandoned me. People whom I’ve given countless hours volunteering for them, abandoned me. Lewinsky thinks that she wouldn’t feel so alone if it happened today. I disagree. Despite the “#MeToo” movement, and the man women who spoke out, everyday I encountered men and women, family and friends who told me that this “MeToo” movement is too politically correct and that we are loosing the “art of flirting”.
Today, I saw this tweet retweeted by Alison Mau
This is what hurts. I remember for a couple of years I have been screaming out for help – telling my friends what is happening. Some would try and help me if we were in the same location. Many, laughed. They think it was funny.
Couple of years after that, when I was strong enough to speak up – spoke to my Manager, the HR and Manager of the perpetrator, the Police on both cases, amidst disgust by the Police, the response was surprising.
“Is it common for you to give people a hug?” I was questioned about the way I greeted the opposite sex. Because it seems like it is okay for someone to run their hands inside your top because you gave someone a farewell hug.
“We have given him a warning and if he does it again we will prosecute,” said the Police. Despite two 15-minutes long video, 4 photos of my neighbour masturbating by the window, at 5.40am in the morning, and have been doing various indecent acts for the last two years.
Both men, and many more in my life, have violated my personal space, and definitely has no consent was given to them for doing what they did. I picked up the courage to be interrogated by Police, the Management and others, reliving my terror every time I bring this up – and not only that justice has not been served, these men, powerful or not, have been protected.
Like the chaos it has been, came #MeToo and Time’s Up. Through this chaos is the birth of Princess of Chaos. This China Doll ain’t going to settled for another chaos – finding the justice in me – the strength to help others, especially those in the ethnic community, to speak out against unjust treatment of other girls out there.
Così per li gran savi si confessa
che la fenice more e poi rinasce,
quando al cinquecentesimo anno appressa;erba né biado in sua vita non pasce,
ma sol d’incenso lagrime e d’amomo,
e nardo e mirra son l’ultime fasce.
Bevan Chuang 